Blue. Pink. Barbie dolls. Action figures. Society, as it is today, is completely gender based; every action we choose, whether how minuscule it is, we have continued to promote and perpetuate the binary system of sexes. Even before a child is born, the child has already been placed on a path—the girl or the boy—and as he or she grows up, his or her surroundings will constantly reinforce and make sure he or she is on the “right” path. Besides family members being a factor that constrains the child in a specific category, the way society functions is one of the greatest factors that demands children to be clear of their sex in every aspect from the way he/she behaves to what he/she wears to upholding expectations others have about “manhood” or “womanhood.” So what happens when a child chooses to rebel against society’s demands? Is the child going to be loved and accepted for who he/she is? If so, what happens to the parents who allow their child to defy the rules of the two-sex system? This is the plight for an African American mother, Cheryl Kilodavis, and her five-year-old son, Dyson. Dyson is like any other ordinary boy who likes to play chess and climb trees, however, he also likes to wear dresses and is infatuated by things that are pink and sparkly. While Kilodavis tries to bring awareness and acceptance for not only her son’s unique fashion, but for everyone to embrace others’ differences in her book My Princess Boy, due to the systematic embedded values of society, it is hard to achieve universal acceptance for differences, especially those related to gender norms.
Kilodavis and Dyson’s story plunged into the media as talk shows, newspapers, and magazines share their profound message that society has yet to agree with. At first Kilodavis had difficulties with accepting her son’s fashion style, but she learned to accept her son’s choice when her older son, Dkobe, proposed the question: “why can’t you just let him be happy” (Silor 1). This moment not only enlightened Kilodavis, but also it brings to light a deeper question—why does it have to take a little child to state the obvious need for acceptance? The simple answer to that is society is not fond of people who don’t follow the social norm—changes and differences frighten the world. To analyze this statement on a small scale, Kilodavis stated, “In the black community, it’s (boys showing feminine traits) taboo.” As I surfed YouTube to see people’s reactions to Kilodavis and Dyson’s story, I found both positive and negative comments; overall, I saw a common trend of African American people commenting on the story and how most of them had translated Dyson dressing up like a girl into homosexuality. Can an early childhood decision determine Dyson’s sexual orientation? In our society, YES it can. It is the prevailing stereotype that if a male have any feminine traits, he isn’t masculine or isn’t a “real” man and therefore he must be gay. This mentality is of a problem in itself, however the fact that Dyson is African American makes the situation twice as bad. It is similar to African American fighting for women rights during the Civil Rights Movement, black women were like double minorities (once for being a women and once for being a black); in Dyson’s case its once for being black and once for being possibly gay.
Besides African Americans not accepting the idea cross dressing, especially of a boy dressing as a girl, society, in general, isn’t welcoming of that idea either. As Johnston would argue, gender roles are a system where whatever participants feed into the system is what is generated back out. Just to think about the types of decisions parents make when they raise their child—everything obediently follows within the strict lines of what it means to be a girl or a boy. And since as young as we can remember, we have enforced this by they activities we are involved in. Can you really think of a settling or activity that doesn’t enforces gender role? No, not really right. For example McDonald’s Happy Meal’s toys strictly enforces what types of toys a girl or a boy should play with when they ask the parent if their child is a boy or girl so the employee can properly place the specified toy for each gender. Society is rooted in gender, whether we like to think about it or not. Kilodavis and Dyson’s story affirms ancient historical and religious views, which Simone De Beavovior’s “The Second Sex” argues against: the value that men are the positive and neutral whereas women are negative and less than men (hence women are the second sex). It seems that today’s society is more accepting of girls dressing like boys than it is of accepting boys dressing like girls. So does Dyson’s situation portrays and perpetuates the notion that males are of more important than females? Yes it does. The idea that society completely rejects boys dressing like girls confirms the idea that male quality is of more important than females; in this binary, females will always come second and seen as everything opposite of the positive males.
Although society is not tolerant of having boys dress like girls, Kilodavis is a leading example of Anne Fausto-Sterling’s idea, especially in terms of giving the children rights over the other parties involved in the situation. Kilodavis said, “It was then she realized that her conflict wasn’t about what Dyson wanted, but what she wanted” (Sailor 1). Kilodavis exemplifies the notion that the gender a child wants to grow up isn’t fully in the decision of the parent (or the doctor), instead the child must be able to have a voice in saying what he or she wants to grow up like; whether how small the decision from choosing ones clothes to a bigger decision intersex treatment, the child should always have a right to choose how he or she wants to live their life instead of following the guidelines society normally forces upon us. Kilodavis’ book My Princess Boy is a courageous act that will speak to the many audiences going through Dyson’s situation or similar situation. This children’s book could potentially be the start to a tale of acceptance that society will eventually embrace.
As much as American wants to pride on its democracy, freedom, and justice for all—we as a society are so far away from an environment that accepts and embrace differences. We have been so rooted in social norms, especially gender norms and roles that it is difficult for one to see outside of the box. As Kilodavis writes in her book, “If you see a Princess Boy…will you like him for who he is?”
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